My Journal

I feel somewhat disappointed, and although I've been trying to stay positive here, I have to get this off my mind.  Long story short: the day that I left for vacation for a week on my last trip, my boyfriend messaged his ex-girlfriend on myspace and started talking to her through there.  He didn't tell me about it at all though, and actually commented a week later when I was returning from the trip that he hadn't talked to her in over a year (he did this because he got irritated that I mentioned my ex's girlfriend trying to add me on myspace and I was asking how I should handle the situation to put a stop to it - I don't have anything to do with my ex - I don't talk to him at all and he lives hours away - this is his second girlfriend that has tried adding me, so I was irritated with it).  I end up finding out that he had been talking to his ex, a week after I returned, when he was checking his yahoo email and it sent a notice saying that she had sent him a message on myspace.  Well, he deleted it quickly, which made me suspicious - he normally would've clicked it.  I also realized that he hadn't been checking his myspace around me, since I returned home.  So, I found out that he had been messaging her, but when I asked him about it he lied saying that she had messaged him that once.  Not true.  I ended up telling him that I knew that wasn't the case and he finally admitted it.  The messages were innocent enough, but I was upset that he was lying about and hiding it - especially considering it was his ex.  He said he was just curious and didn't want to upset me.  We got into a big argument, because he figured it was his own private business and I was upset that he was dishonest and made a point to hide it completely.  It was just really shady behavior in my book - my ex did the same thing and it ended up being what I left him for, at least one of the big reasons, and allowing my ex to lie and hide things did lead to him cheating on me with several women, although I found out after we split.  So, my boyfriend agreed not to lie and hide things in the end.  I told him I would leave him without question if I ever caught him lying or hiding things like that.  I put up with a lot, but infidelity and dishonesty are two things I find unacceptable. 

Anyway, it's been about a month and I was feeling better about things.  Yesterday, he tells me that he approved his ex's friend's request on facebook, because he was curious and wanted to see the profile.  I was a little thrown off, but glad that he was open with me.  I got thrown off again though when I went to his wall to find an application and found out that he had deleted everything.  He tried saying that he had deleted it previously, but the day before when I got on to do the application his wall wasn't deleted (I ended up not getting to do the app. that day, because we had to leave right as I had opened it and was starting to do it).  It throws up a flag to me when someone who doesn't normally do something like that starts to do it - it's similar to one of the things my ex used to do.  Anyway, I'm still concerned that he feels the need to communicate with his ex.  We've been dating almost three years (longer than he and his ex were together, but she was his first).  His ex and him have been seperated for about four years.  I know that if she had half a chance she would probably use him for sex... she'd been trying to friend him throughout our relationship and he had to cut it off because she was flirty with him and kept trying to show up when she thought I wasn't there.  She doesn't live near here anymore though, and I know they haven't done anything since we've been together.  I really do think they still have some feelings for each other, despite what he says (why else would he continue to show interest in her life?) - I doubt they'd ever even be able to get back together, but I'd definitely see them hooking up.  I'm just really bothered that his ex is now again in our life and it makes me wonder if this is something that's going to continue.  I don't care that he has girls that are friends, but I don't see the point in staying friends with his ex considering their history (she's cheated in most if not all her relationships including when they were together, she left him for another guy, and she used him for sex twice since they broke up) and the fact that I don't think she's capable of just being friends.  

I'm just tired of dealing with this crap.  It makes me feel insecure in our relationship, and by that I mean it makes me uncertain if our relationship will endure.  I just don't understand why he feels the need to keep in touch with his ex.  I don't think that they'll ever do anything, at least not while we're together.  I do, however, think that the type of behavior he's engaging in will make him more likely to mess around with someone else eventually.  I don't know.  I wish I had somewhere to go for advice - good advice.  It's not the first time he's done something shady and this actually isn't that bad (which is probably why I'm not more upset - just concerned), which is probably why there is a lack of trust there as well.  I really do love him a lot and that's proabably why I keep putting up with things, even though my gut is telling me not to and it feels like I'm prolonging the inevitable.  I don't think that he's mature enough and secure enough in himself to be the guy that I need.  I don't want to ever have to worry about whether or not I can trust and believe him.  I want to be able to just know that I can and to trust that he'll act in a way that demonstrates that.  Despite his confidence, he does look for approval from others, especially women, to make himself feel validated.  He does do things that he knows he shouldn't, because he knows he can just make up excuses for it later and because he's impulsive.  I'm just not comfortable with it, especially since it careerfield enables him with plenty of opportunities - he'll be working 24 hour shifts/ 10 days a month, in a co-ed and relaxed environment, in a job that could require you to work hours over the time you're scheduled to get off, and in a field (firefighting) that many women find sexy.  I mean my ex ended up becoming miliary, so I'm used to it, but you really have to have trust in fields like that.  Both he and my ex always said that one of the things they loved about me was that they trusted me completely and that I never gave them a reason to worry about or doubt my trust, unlike in their previous relationships, but I don't think it's fair that I don't get that in return.  I'm very laid back and open to just about whatever (even staying friends with their ex's), but I don't think asking them not to lie or hide things is asking too much.  Anyway, I just wanted to get that off my mind.  I hope everyone is doing well!  Sorry for the rant.          

Wow, I can't believe it's already August.  So much for keeping up-to-date with my journal.  Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well and I hope to get to all my emails soon.  I've been on the go a lot the past couple of months.  I ended up going on week-long trips to Outer Banks, North Carolina and Gulf Shores, Alabama in June and July.  They were both a lot of fun.  The trips I've been on this year have made me realize that I definitely want to travel more.  I'm hoping to study abroad for a couple of weeks next spring, so I'm sure I'll update on that.  Things have been going pretty good lately - only a couple complaints, but I don't feel like getting into them right now.  My bellydance classes have been going well, but I only have a couple more weeks left that I can attend them.  My academic class times conflict with my dance class time, so I'm going to have to stop going to my bellydance class.  I am hoping to find a different style of dance that I can do during my freetime though, so it should be interesting to mix it up.  I'll probably update with that by next month.  I'd like to start doing a monthly update at the very least, with some other posts in-between.   

Anyway, classes start up next month and I'm excited (also a little weary).  I know this semester is going to be really hectic, but I really think I'll do well.  It'll be my first semester of all psychology courses, so that should be cool.  Psychology has always been one of my easiest and most interesting subjects.  I don't know if I mentioned my change in interest here, but I'm really interested in neuropsychology right now.  I've been studying all summer to learn it and suprisingly I'm doing very well - it can be very complicated, but it's very interesting once you understand all the jargon.  I'm slightly stressed out because of all the things I need to do to apply to graduate school.  I'm hoping to get accepted into a Ph.D. program within the next couple of years.  I still need to get more experience to increase my chances of getting into the program, but everything else should make me a very competitive candidate.  I got to do a job shadowing appointment within the field, which was also very cool.

I guess I haven't had much else going on, so there's really not anything else that I can think to mention right now.  I'm sure I'll have more to say later, but I just wanted to check back in with an update.  Sorry ahead of time, if I made any typos.  I'm a little out of it today.  I'll talk to everyone later!  :)

So, I know it's been a while since I've written and I still have to get back to everyone, but I promise I will.  :)  I think I pushed myself to hard towards the end of this past semester.  I did really well - made dean's list - but I ended up getting really stressed out and fell into another depression spell.  I've been trying to figure out ways to cope with heavy stress better, so that I don't reach that point.  I tend to sink into a deep depression whenever I push myself too much - which tends to happen every semester, but in college the pressure something you have to be able to deal with.  I know that it's only going to get worse once I get into graduate school, so I really want to figure out a way to overcome it.  One of the things I'm looking into is taking supplements and vitamins, since the ones I've tried have helped some.  I've been taking Omega 3's and B-complex everyday, and I take Melatonin when I need help falling asleep.  Melatonin has been a life-saver for me!  I've also been exercising more, trying to eat healthier, trying to get more sunlight, and stuff like that.  I want to try to develop a more routine schedule and to try  to become more of a morning person, but I just don't know.  I don't know how to fill my free-time and I really hate the idea of going to bed so early.  Oh well, I'll figure something out. 

Anyway, I'm also a little bummed because my car overheated over a week ago, so I've been trapped at home for a while without a car and it really sucks.  Luckily, I can get the manual work done for free on it, but I still have to buy parts and it will take longer to get it back.  I just hope nothing major is broken on it.  I'm really hoping to get out of the house for a little while today to go by the library and to just go out and do something - maybe a movie or some shopping.  On a more positive note, I've been reading a lot this summer - some for fun and others to learn.  I've really been interested in the field of neuropsychology (which combines neuroscience and psychology) and I've been reading book after book from the library to learn more about the field.  I thought the studies in the field were fascinating, but I wasn't sure I'd be able to learn and understand everything since I used to suck at biology, but I've actually been doing really well.  I've been learning so much, and I'd really like to pursue a career in this field.  For fun, I've also been reading som fantasy books lately - like the series from Melissa Marr about faeries - and those have been kind of cool to read.  I've also been getting back into the metaphysical stuff lately.  I need to review some of it, but I'd really like to get into it more this summer.  I think that I got so caught up with classes that I forgot about a lot of the other things I enjoyed. 

I don't know if I mentioned it previously, but everything has improved since my old roommate moved out and the new one moved in.  We all get along really well and I love it!  My relationship has also been doing a hundred times better.  My sugar gliders are doing fine... I upgraded their cage and redecorated it recently and they seem to really enjoy it.  They're adorable and goofy as usual.  I also got a ( pet mouse (picture in cut) )recently and he is adorable.  My belly-dancing classes are going really well and I've actually started taking Zumba as well (which is a really intense workout - blah).  My birthday weekend was fun... I actually really enjoyed it!!  I didn't really do a whole lot, but it was just what I needed.  I went out to eat, relaxed, did some shopping with, went to the bookstore, went to a local festival, and stuff like that.  Oh, my ex is finally getting the divorce papers signed too, so I'm really happy about that.  Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well!  Best wishes!!  :)( Pet mouse... )

So... I'm back from my study abroad trip to London.  It was a lot of fun!!!  I got back very late Saturday night and I actually had a harder time readjusting to being home than going there.  Once I got there, I actually transitioned very well.  I made a lot of friends on the trip, saw a lot of really cool sites, and overall I really enjoyed the experience.  We actually did a tour of London and visited St. Paul's Cathedral, the Westminster Abbey, Bodiam Castle, the Battle Abbey ruins, the Tower of London, the Tate Museum, a Jazz club, some shopping centers, Stonehenge, Bath Abbey, the Roman Baths, the Queen's theatre to see "Les Miserables, Canterbury Cathedral, Dover Castle, Hampton Court, the Victorian House, the Orangery, and a small group of us actually used our free day to visit Ireland to see the Blarney Castle and the Guinness factory... we atually planned to see a couple of other sites, but ran short on time.  So, yeah, we stayed really, really busy.  I was a little sad to leave.  My homelife is pretty boring.  I think that's the most active I've ever been in my life, aside from when I was working all the time, which really sucked.  I took a lot of pictures during the trip and I'll try to post them once I get around to actually sorting them.  It was such a cool experience.  I plan to study abroad next spring break as well.  If they run it again, there's a trip that goes to France, Germany, Switzerland, and Bulgaria.  It sounds like it would be a cool experience as well!  Anyway, I do feel a little more optimisitic about being home now.  I've been making adjustments to my life to make it more balanced and I feel a lot more relaxed. 

The trip actually helped reset my biological clock, so I've been trying to stay on a more normal schedule.  I'm actually usually in bed now between 11 p.m. and 1 a.m. and I wake up between 8:30 a.m. and 9:30 a.m. on my own.  This is the most normal schedule I've ever had natuarally, at least, as far as I can remember.  I have been taking melatonin pills to help me sleep and they've been great.  I don't have the insomnia-like sleep patterns anymore.  I just take one or two of the melatonin pills on the nights I can't fall asleep, it just makes me sleepy, and once I try to go to sleep, I sleep so well through the night, finally!!  I've also been eating more regulary, which includes actually eating breakfast.  I have a raisin and cinnamon bagel with cream cheese and strawberry jam for breakfast each morning.  I had something similar in London and it was so good.  London also has awesome tea, which I am now addicted to; however, I haven't really been drinking it, because I don't know what brands are good.  Someone actually just made a recommendation though, so I'm going to try that.  Tea is so good with milk and sugar in it!  Aside from that, the food in London really, really sucked.  I thought people were exagerrating about the bad food, but they really weren't.  I ended up eating a lot of McDonalds, and I hadn't eatten there since 2006.  So, I've been really excited about eating good food, since I've been back. 

Anyway, there has just been so much happening that I really don't know where else to start.  My roommate has actually moved out, which has been great.  I'm finally able to feel more relaxed at home now and the house is a lot less messy.  My boyfriend has been a little weird, but I'm not even going to stress out about that.  We just haven't been connecting much at all, although we've been doing fine other than that.  I know he can feel the distance too... probably stronger than me, but he won't say or do anything about it.  I'm tired of addressing it too, because it only makes it worse.  We had a lot of problems with it before the trip and I had honestly forgot all about the distance, but he clearly hasn't and now I feel it again too.  I just don't know what's going on with him.  I think the career differences we have are pushing him away, which sucks because they shouldn't be.  Anyway, I figure things will just work out however they're supposed to.  Right now, I want to stay focused on what is best for me. 

I just started taking a vitamin B-12 supplement today, so I'll update on that.  It's supposed to help be a mood, energy, and concentration booster.  I also wanted to take some Omega 3's, but I have to find it either in the liquid form or in a small pill form (I can't take large pills regularly).  I'm also looking into an internship or co-op within the Psychology field.  I'm still trying to figure out what my specific areas of interests are as well as what I want to do specifically.  I'm going for research right now, but I'm not sure what all is out there.  I'm hoping that talking to people within the field will help me figure it out.  Anway, I'm more optimistic and excited about everything that's been going on.  I started my level 2 bellydance classes, and they're a lot of fun!  My sugar gliders were excited to see me, which is cool!  Even the female, who is more shy, came up to greet me.  I'm ahead on all my coursework and, although it can be stressful, I've been doing well in all my classes.  Well, I don't know what else to talk about at the moment.  I hope everyone else has been doing really well... I really do!  I'm looking foward to actually getting back into the habit of checking and updating on LiveJournal more.  I hope everyone has a great weekend!  :)           

So, things have been going pretty well lately.  I've been staying busy with everything I have going on, but I feel like this time I've taken on a workload that I can actually manage well without getting to stressed.  Classes are going well.  I've been having to study a lot, but I'm enjoying them for the most part.  I actually just started my Web design class today and I'm really excited about that.  I was suprised by how much I liked it.  I really enjoy it a lot... it's cool to see an actual Web page created from a bunch of coding.  It was actually much easier than I had originally expected and I was catching on very quickly.  I've noticed that my memory has been a lot sharper this semester... I can think a lot more clearly and my memory is really much better.

I've also decided to change my major again, but I'm really trying to get more information first.  I'm considering getting a Ph.D. in Applied Experimental Psychology with an English minor.  It'll basically allow me to write, research, or teach within the Psychology field.  According to the requirements I've found, it would only take me three and a half more years.  I don't know entirely how obtaining a Ph.D. works.  I know I can meet all the course requirements within that time, but I don't know if there is any other program involved that might lengthen that time.  I don't think there is, based on the information I found.  Hopefully, I'll have a better idea by the end of the week.

Anyway, great news: my roommate is moving out in March and my boyfriend's brother is going to be moving in with us.  I'm really glad... I know it's goin to work out well.  My boyfriend and I have been doing a lot better lately too, so that's great.  We've found ways to work out some of the problems and they seem to be working well so far.  What else... my trip is only about a month away.  I'm so nervous and excited.  Honestly, I think the only major thing I'm concerned about it with my ability to adjust emotionally to it.  I've never been on a trip like this... out of the country with complete strangers and away from everyone I know for just over a week.  I'm sure it'll be a great experience and I'm sure I'll be fine.  I'm just so nervous.  I got a camera for the trip... it's got dual-stabilization, so I can take really clear pictures.  I wanted to get some really good photos of the trip.  I'm also contemplating getting into photography some, just for fun though.  I think it'd be neat to combine the photographs with my writings.

Emotionally, I've been doing fairly well.  I haven't been getting really stressed out... I think the fun activities like dance help a lot.  I seem to be adjusting well to the new medication.  The only concern I have, and I don't know if it's related to the meds or something else, is that I've been feeling slightly depressed a lot lately.  I'm thinking of trying to take vitamins or of eating foods with vitamins to see if that helps.  I need to look it up, but I thin B12 and some other vitamins are supposed to help with things like that.  Suprisingly, I'm in a content mood right now.  I had a really crappy day, but I don't want to get into it.  I think I handled everything very well, considering everything.

I've been reading a lot lately.  I've also been involving myself in more social outings among everything else.  I can't believe how much more I'm doing this semester as far as actually trying to really live and enjoy life.  I'm really content with how I've managed to balance everything.  I still feel a little overwhelmed slightly, but not overworked or overstressed.  I'm trying to focus on slowing things down some by just relaxing from time to time without distrations, so that I don't feel like life is rushing past me so quickly. It gives me a chance to relax, to keep things in perspective, and to feel more grounded.  I don't really know.  I guess that's good for now.  Oh, and dance classes are going really well.  I'm really improving and I really enjoy the classes.  Last week, I think I got too much of a workout though... I was sooo sore.  Hopefully, It'll be a little less physically demanding this week.  Anyway, I think I'm going to get some rest.  I hope everyone is well.  Take care.  :)   

 Drama...

Neat Stuff...

Oddly enough, I feel optimistic about everything else that I have going on.  Some of my classes are harder than I thought, but I know that if I study I'll be fine and I think that some of the other sections will be somewhat easier.  I'm I've also found a cool social networking site, www.meetup.com, that I can use to find new friends with similar interests and fun things to do within my area.  All of my close friends have moved away between this year and last year (a lot of them were military, so they weren't from here originally), so I think it'd be cool to meet some new friends within this area that I can hang out with.  I haven't really "clicked" with any of my boyfriend's friends, because they have very different interests... like video games and anime, which I'm not really into at all.  I'm also making new friends, now that I'm getting more involved with the extracurricular activities.  I'm also excited because my previous belly-dancing instructor finally got back in touch with me and she's going to sell me some belly-dancing stuff really cheap.  I know I want to get this one black hip scarf with silver beads that was really pretty.  I don't know if I'll get anything else though.  I'll try to post some pictures later. 

I also made a collage from images I took off the internet.  I was trying to be artsy, but I'm not very talented with drawing, so I opted to make a collage.  I wanted to create something elegant and here's what I came up with: I think it's pretty, but I haven't figured out what I want to do with it yet.


Anyway, I hope everyone is well.  I'm sure I'll update again soon.  Have a great night!  :)

So, I started my classes yesterday and I'm really excited about them.  I have more of a variety of classes this semester and I think that I'm going to enjoy all of them from what I've seen.  I'm also going to a meeting tomorrow to see about joining one of the student organizations for Psychology.  I think it'll give me the opportunity to meet people with similar interest, to see what's out there, and all that good stuff.  I'm starting to have a lot better idea of what I want to do in the future.  I definitely want to do something within the Psychology field.  I've always really enjoyed every class I've taken in that subject, and the two I'm taking this semester don't seem like they'll be any different.  I'm excited about a lot of the things I have coming up this year.  I really think, or at least hope, that this will be one of the best years of my life.  I'm determined to make it so.  I've been trying to keep a more open-mind and do what's best for me.  I want to really advance with my career-related stuff.  I'm still getting my degree in Professional Writing... I think it'll really benefit me and give me something extra.  I'm also joining the English and Psychology national honor societies, since my grades and academic perfomance are still up there (even despite my not doing as well as I wanted this past semester).

Anyway, I hope the organizations will help me to meet people with similar interests to me.  I really want to build a support network.  I sort of have one now, but not very stable.  A lot of the people I'm around now bring my down, whether they intend to or not.  I'm really worried because my financial aid refund is about $2,000 less than what is normally is from the extra costs for the study abroad trip.  I think I'm going to try to have a job or paid internship lined up for later in March, so that I don't run out of funds.  I'm going to try to get very far ahead on all of my classes, so that it won't effect y performance. 

Anyway, I'm a little appprehensive about the way my boyfriend has been acting since classes have started.  I've made it a point not to talk about it too much, aside from saying that I hink I'm really going to enjoy my classes this semester compared with last.  He was just acting weird yesterday... it's a little hard to describe briefly, but I think he might be jealous.  He's gotten that way a lot when it comes to my education.  I don't really understand why.  He really enjoys his job and he's doing what he wants to do.  I think it has something to do with how well I've been doing.  He wants to be supportive, but that seems to get in the way.  He also keeps trying to spend and borrow my money.  He's done it the past two semesters and I was naive enough to let him, but this semester I won't.  I have to be really careful with my budgeting, because it's very tight this semester. 

I don't know.  It's complicated to describe everything.  I really wish I had my own place sometimes.  I want my complete independence.  I'm tired of the people I'm around passing judgement on me because I am living off finacial aid instead of working right now.  It irritates me, because I do pay all of my own bills and my portion of the rent and utilities.  I also have to pay back all of the loans, when I graduate; so, it really is like college is my job right now.  My roommate's girlfriend had a weird attitude yesterday too.  I think because I was more bubbly and excited than usual.  I asked her what she had been up to.  She said just working a lot and kind of gave me a dirty look, and said that she was going to be getting a temporary second job to help support her boyfriend and etc.  I'm very good at reading people and I could tell my her tone, expression, and the way that she said it that she was irritated that I don't have to work.  I've overheard her and her boyfriend bashing me for things like that in the past, but now I just turn on music or something like that when I overhear them.  I'm tired of hearing that crap.   

I've always allowed myself to be held back by the people in my life, but I'm not going to do it anymore... at least I'll try not to.  I think the study abroad trip is a big step toward that.  Usually, I wouldn't have done something like that.  I had always adjusted my schedule to spend time with my significant other and I always got stuck waiting on them.  I'm not going to be left behind anymore.  I'll admit that is one thing I've gotten jealous of.  Whenever they wanted to spend time with me I made the time, whenever they call me I pick up the phone, whenever I can arrange my schedule to better fit theirs, but they don't do the same for me.  They always end up working all the time and blowing off plans.  What made it worse was that I was somewhat emotionally dependent on them, but I've really gotten a lot more independent which is good.  I don't mind being alone as much and I've been doing a lot better job of taking care of myself emotionally.

My medication seems to be working well too.  It doesn't make me aggressive and irritable like the other stuff they had me on.  I have been feeling slightly depressed a little more off and on, but I have managed to keep it from taking over.  I don't know if it's the medication or something else, but it's not very bad so I think I'll be fine either way.  Anyway, I guess I've talked enough for now.  I have to go run some errands, but I'll write later.  It just feels good to get some of the stuff off me.  I'm determined to do well this semester and continue going from there.  My goal is to really do what it best for me this year.  I really want to imerse myself in my studies and college community, and I want to develop more personally through my hobbies and interests and such.  Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well.  Thanks for being here for me.  :) 

So, I've decided to continue taking bellydancing classes year-round.  I had my first day of class at the new place last night.  Instead of taking them through a community center, I'm actually taking the classes through a professional instructor.  Her class is really fun and a lot better structured than the other ones.  The instructor teaches the clas new moves each day and at the end of the day teaches us a chorographed routine that incorporates those moves.  We meet once a week and it's a lot of fun.  I want to get a belly-dancing outfit too, since I am going to commit to the classes.  I already have an idea of the style that I am looking for... I'm just not sure what color(s) I want to get yet.  I'll try to update with pics though.  :)

I'm also excited that I start my classes on Tuesday.  I've been so bored lately.  I'm really glad that I have more of a variety this semester than what I had last semester.  I'll be taking Apects of the English Language, Interdisciplinary Studies, Theories of Personality, Physioloical Psychology, and the spring break study abroad Castles and Cathedrals History course.  I've been thinking a lot about my career choice.  I think this past semester helped me realize that I really only enjoy writing when it's something I'm interested in.  I think that instead of just doing copywriting, I want to be able to write in the Psychology field.  I'm really hoping that I can find a career that will allow me to do research and writing within the Positive Psychology field.  I'm also taking a Web Design course through a local adult study program, so that should be cool too.

Anyway, I just figured I would do a quick update.  I can't stay on here, but I hope everyone is doing well.  Happy 2009!!! 

I had a really good Christmas.  I can't believe how much I've been able to relax the past couple of weeks.  I feel like I'm more in tune to my body.  I don't know if I had mentioned it before, but I'm going on new birth control to regulate my period.  For whatever reason, whenever I go off my birth control I stop having my periods all together.  So, I have to take birth control... I really hate it though.  I was on Yasmin for five years, but it made me really irritable and moody.  I've really enjoyed being off it ffor the past six months with the exception of my breaking out.  The doctor gave me medicine to make me start, so I took that after I finished up with classes.  I'm supposed to start using the NuvaRing tomorrow.  I've heard a lot of good things about it having lower side effects, but I am so scarred of how my body is going to react to it.  I tend to have fairly bad mood swings, but they were easier to control and less intense when I was off the pill.  I'm worried that it is going to make me depressed, emotional, and irritable.  I'm hoping that it won't or that the mood swings disappear before my classes start.  I've been somewhat emotional lately because of the other pills, but I think they're starting to wear off and they are nowhere near as bad as the Yasmin was.  I don't know.  I guess I'll find out soon enough.  Hopefully, this will work out well.  

Anyway, I've been reading a lot more lately and I was just given some more books for Christmas.  I'm trying to read as many recommended books as I can before classes start up, since I know I might not have as much freetime once they do.  I just finished Sarah Dunant's "The Birth of Venus," and I'm about to read Jack Kerouac's "On The Road."  I still have about two and a half weeks left until classes start up.  I'll be taking Aspects of the English Language, Interdisciplinary Theories and Concepts, Theories of Personalities, Physiological Psychology, and the spring break Castles and Cathedrals study abroad corse.  It'll be busy, but I think that the variety of classes and my trip out of the country will definitely make it more interesting.  I'll probably be talking about my upcoming trip to London a lot more as it grows nearer.  I'm so excited and so nervous, but it should be a lot of fun and a great experience.

It's so strange that the New Year is coming up so fastly.  I feel like this past year has flown by.  A lot of people have been asking about New Year's Resolutions and I've been thinking about mine... if that's what I would call them.  So far my major goals are: to focus more on my coursework (which I'm sure you all could have guessed) and to write creatively more often.  I really enjoyed my creative writing course and I think that I have some talent in it... especially fiction.  I find it very relaxing.  I think that with practice I might be able to publish something one day.  :)  I have other things I want in 2009 as well, but I wouldn't call them resolutions.  Anyway, I don't really have anything else to talk about right now, so I guess I'll get off of here for now.  I hope everyone is having a good holiday so far!  Good night. 

   

I am so relieved that this semester is almost over... I only have one final left for Tuesday and I will be done with classes.  I am so glad too.  This semester had been very stressful and trying, but hopefully I'll come out of it okay.  I'm a little worried about one of my classes.  Anyway, next semester should be a lot easier.  I'm going to try to mix it up a bit and to take some easier classes with a better schedule.  Anyway, I don't feel like talking about classes right now though.  I need to go to sleep soon.  Everything seems to be going very well lately.  My two-year anniversary is on Wednesday and we're actually planning on celebrating it.  It'll be the first anniversary that I've really gotten to celebrate out of the seven that I've had.  I'm trying to figure out somewhere fun to go and somewhere new to eat at.  I'm hoping to get some good suggestions from a local community here. 

My belly-dancing classes have been going very well too.  I have them every Thursday and I did really well this past week.  I was actually able to coordinate a lot of the moves and dance to the rhythm - those are the two things I have the most trouble with.  I was so happy and I felt great afterwards.  My dance instructor was running late, so I taught the other girl in my class the basic ballroom dance steps, since she was interested and I knew how to.  I took ballroom dancing classes about a year and a half ago.  I missed the last few of those classes, but I had the groundwork down and I'll probably retake them down the road.  I really want to continue taking the once-a-week dance classes.  It makes me feel so much better.

Anyway, I guess I'll talk about this here: I talked to my ex just before Thanksgiving, and actually had a conversation with him, for the first time in two years.  We talked about things that had happened in the past, about what was going on in our lives now, and so on.  He apologized for having done some of the things that he had, which included the times he cheated on me.  I did forgive him, which suprises me that I've actually gotten to a point where I can do so.  I guess because I understand it more now from seeing my roommate and other people cheat.  I was able to look at it from a different perspective and that is something I had actually done months before, so it wasn't a sudden choice.  I still don't believe that it's justifiable, but I do understand it better now.  It was so weird talking to him, because my emotions were really mixed and strong.  Fortunately, I'm very good at thinking logically and at not thinking emotionally.  I'm really glad we talked though, because it provided me with some closure.  It's difficult to explain.  I agreed to being friends and talking, but I doubt we'll ever hang out because it would be weird.  I like talking to him though, but that's as far as I would ever let it go.  I still remember clearly why I broke up with him and although I can forgive him for some things, I won't forget them.  

I think I like talking to him on occassion because he was part of my life for five years, so we have a lot of history together and he understands me better than the people around here.  He also has a really high level of respect for me, because he's seen how ambitious I am and he's seen how hard I've worked.  He's also fun to talk to.  I'm just not sure how that is going to work out with my current relationship, because I don't think my boyfriend would be okay with me remaining friends with my ex and I don't want to create any sort of stress on our relationship.  I'm just not sure if it's fair though, because in the beginning of our relationship I was okay with him remaining friends with his ex until she continued to put the moves on him and he put himself in the situation to let her try - though nothing happened.  I don't know.  I think the difference between us is that if my boyfriend were single, he would still hook up with his ex; whereas, when I break up, it's for good, because I know I can't deal with the emotional baggage.  I guess I'm rambling on, but I just wanted to get it out.  I don't really have anyone that I can talk to about issues like this.  I could go on and on, I'm sure.  I think the main reason I'm even considering keeping in touch is because I like talking to someone who understands and respects me... that's hard to get around here, especially since I don't really have many friends here.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well.  I really need to head to bed, but I'll update later.  :)      
 

So, I've had a really great Thanksgiving break.  I am so happy and I feel so rested.  I got to visit my family and that was great.  My boyfriend and I have been doing great and I love spending time with his family.  I went out with his mother today to do some shopping and to see a movie.  We had a lot of fun.  We actually went to see that movie Twilight.  I've never read the books and I heard a lot of controversial things about it, but I kind of liked it.  I'm not quite sure how to describe why or if I even really know why.   

Anyway, I realized that this upcoming week is my last week of classes for the semester and I really can't wait.  This semester has been so stressful, so I'll be relieved when it is over.  I'm not sure how well I will have done, but I'm just glad it'll be over.  I was really having a lot of trouble especially with one of the graduate-level courses.  I'm still a little stressed because I have a lot of work to get done for the week and I know it's going to be very time consuming and difficult.  I'm just trying to keep in mind that I just have to hang in there one more week.   

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately and I feel better about a lot of things... maybe a bit wiser and still confused on others.  I guess I don't really feel like talking about everything else right now.  I just wanted to clear my mind some.  I'm sure I'll update later.  I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

:)

So, I just finished my second belly-dancing class last night and I'm happy that I am picking it up faster than I expected.  It was a lot of fun, and I'm hoping to continue taking dance classes.  I really love dancing, but I tend to have a hard time with the rhythm and coordination.  I guess I tend to have even more trouble coming up with the actual money for the classes, which is more likely the reason I don't take them more.  I really liked the new instructor that I had last night though.  She had a way of explaining it so that I caught on rather quickly and understood it better.  I'd like to continue taking classes with her, if I can.  These classes were fairly cheap too, so that's an added bonus.  :)  

Anyway, I also just got approved to go to London over spring break, so I'm excited about that.  I figured I post some pictures of some of the places we'll be going to below.  We'll also be seeing a bunch of other places including a theater performance and the Stonehenge.  Honestly, I don't really know a lot about a lot of the places, but I'll learn more considering it's a history course.  I'm sure there'll be some beautiful sights.  It's cool too that I learned about the Stonehenge in my Art Appreciation couse.  I never thought I'd really see it in person though. 

I'm honestly suprised that I'm actually going to be traveling outside of the country.  I've always wanted to travel more, but somehow never believed I would actually get to.  I also feel like it's a brave step for me, because I'm a little freaked out at the prospect of traveling to a foreign country, across an entire ocean to spend nine days with complete strangers, really far away from everyone and everything I know.  I'm so glad that I am though.  I really want to experience it!

1. Tower Bridge                                       2. Tower of London                                3. Big Ben  

Anyway, I'm not really sure what else to talk about.  I've had a lot going on lately, both good and bad.  I don't think I really feel like talking about any of it though, so I guess I'll stop here.  I hope everyone is doing well!

So, I've been really, really stressed out lately and feeling somewhat depressed.  I think that's why I haven't posted in a while.  Anyway, I don't want to get into all that right now.  I do have some good news though, which is why I choose to post.

1. I start my belly-dancing classes tonight!  I'm really looking foward to it.  I hope it will be a fun stress reliever.  I'm a little nervous, but I should be fine.  I have to leave soon to do that, but I'll update on that later.

2.  I'm proud of myself for being more outgoing lately.  I even did a presentation last week, and I wasn't really nervous at all.  I've also been finding it easier to talk to strangers and everything.  I'm hoping it lasts.  :)

3. Best for last... I am definitely going to study abroad for 9 days this March in London!!!  I was able to get the financial aid and everything for it.  I think it'll be a great experience, and a lot of fun!  I still nervous, but I think I'll be fine.  It'll be my first trip out of the states, and my first trip of that kind.  I'm really looking foward to it, and I'm sure I'll be posting more about it closer to the date.  It's going to count as an elective course... Castles and Cathedrals.  It's actually a history course, but I'm more interested in the experience.  I think that the paper that I'll have to write will be useful to my major too.  I'm excited.  :)

Anyway, I'll update later.  I need to get going.  I hope everyone is doing well!

So, everything has been going fairly well.  I haven't posted in a while, and I don't really feel like talking about everything that has been going on... it's a lot.  I have had a lot on my mind though, so I figured I'd touch on some of the major things.

I've been feeling a little weird today.  I don't know why, but I had some really bad dreams last night and I slept horribly.  There's not really any good explination for it either.  The only thing I can come up with is maybe all the stress I've been under.  I'd have one bad dream, then wake up and try to forget it, and I'd end up going back to sleep and having an even worse one.  I woke up during one of the last ones, and my breathing was really shallow and rapid.  It was just really weird.  I ended up sleeping in late too, and I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing yet.  I've been getting up early every day (with the exception of one) for classes and everything else going on for the past two weeks, and I've been exhausted even though I've been getting an ideal number of hours of sleep (right around 7-8).  

I am on Fall Break now though... I don't start classes back until Wednesday.  I'm hoping the break will give me a chance to relax some, and to get ahead of everything for my classes.  I've been trying to find ways to organize things, so that it's easier for me to remember.  This semester has been one of my hardest.  I do feel more confident about them now, though.  I doubt that I'll make dean's list this semester, which is somewhat disappointing.  I messed up some in the beginning half of the semester, but I'm sure that I'll still do well.  I don't think I was prepred for the upper-level courses.  Anyway, I've managed to take some of the pressure off myself, which has definitely been helpful.

On a more positive note, I've decided to study abroad nect year (as long as I can get the financial aid to do so, which I'm confident that I can).  I plan to go to London for 9 days in March, and then to go to China and Korea for 20 days in May.  I'm very excited about it, and it's given me sort of a refreshed motivation to do well and something to really look foward to.  I am also extremely nervous about it.  I know it'll be a great life-changing experience that'll help me to grow and all that good stuff, but I've never done anything like it.  I've never been out of the states, never traveled with strangers, and never been away from family and friends for that long.  I don't really know what to expect, but I do plan on researching it more.  I'm sure I'll adjust though, and I am set on going.  I'm also considering doing it the next year to, so that I can see some other countries.   

I feel like I have really grown a lot in the past year or so, expecially this past semester.  It's hard to explain.  I've also started to feel more alive, for the first time in a long, long time.  It's hard for me to expain, or to really descibe, but I'm really glad.  I actually feel more passionate about my life and everything.  I also feel like I can see things more clearly.  My interpersonnal communication skills have improved dramatically too because of it, and I've also started to understand myself better because of it.  Anyway, I have to go for now, but I'll finish updating more later.  Hope everyone is doing well! 

So, I'm finally starting to feel better.  I've been sick for the past week, and I felt horrible.  It's such bad timing too, with classes and everything else I have going on.  I ended up missing a few classes and a half-day of my internship.  I was also supposed to start belly-dancing classes, they canceled that.  They didn't have enough people registered, so I agreed to taking the classes offered in November.  I'm really excited about the dance classes, but glad that I won't be sick for them. 

My regular classes are going well.  They are really hard though, which suprised me.  Usually, I don't have any trouble with writing courses, or really any courses, but I think that because these are upper-level courses they are a lot more difficult.  I'll do fine though.  I'm just blown away by how much work I'm having to put into them.  I'm sure it'll pay off in the long run.  

My sugar gliders are doing great too!  They are really bonding well with me, and are becoming more outgoing.  They're so sweet and adorable.  I took them for a check-up, and I just got the male neutered.  I was really worried about him, but it doesn't seem to be affecting him.  I'm really happy about that.  The female might already be pregnant though, so there might be babies on the way!  I'm also glad that my boyfriend likes them now too.  I don't think he did initially, but he's grown more attached to them... it's hard not to.  Anyway, I'll keep this short, since I could probably write a lot on them.  :)

My boyfriend and I are looking at getting our own place within the next year, so we're both really happy about that.  We have a couple places in mind that are really nice and within our budget.  It'll be so nice to finally be able to relax and to feel more at home!  I also can't wait to decorate more!  I found a really cool site, www.gifts.com, that helps you to choose gifts based on personality and stuff like that.  It had some really cool suggestions and ideas.  It also got me thinking about decorating my own place.  (I was trying to find a unique gift for my boyfriend, since he's really been sweet lately).  I think the site will really come in handy for ideas for Christmas and such. 

So, the negative - I am a little bummed out about the situation with my roommate.  I mentioned some of the problems in earlier posts, but I think he's backed off there, which is good.  I'm a little bothered by the fact that he just cheated on his current girlfriend with his ex, whose virginity he just took.  He's sort of playing them both now.  I'm more bothered by it than I would have expected, although I did advise him against it.  I guess I'm just not used to seeing it, I really don't agree with it at all, and I think it's really sad.  I feel really bad for his current girlfriend, because she treats him really well.  I don't know if his ex knows that he is dating.  It's his business though, and I think the best thing for me to do is to stay out of it.  I wish I knew more faithful couples.     

Anyway, I guess that covers most of the stuff that has been going on.  I hope everyone is doing well.  :)

I know I haven't posted in a while... I've just been pretty busy, and maybe a little lazy on my off-time.  My internship is going really well.  I've also started classes, and they are going pretty well.  It's still kind of early, so I'll update more on them later.  I also decided to join the school newspaper as a staff writer, so that should be fun.  My sleeping schedule is also becoming more normal, which is cool.  That's a really big accomplishment for me.  I think everything is going pretty well. 

I do have really good news... I got my sugar gliders a little over a week ago!  They are so adorable!  I got a two-year old female (left) and a three-year old male (right).  I don't think the people that I got them from really gave them much attention, so I've been working on bonding with them.  I still haven't named them yet either.  I've been looking for names, but I guess I'm just waiting for the perfect name for them.  I kind of want something exotic and beautiful sounding, but meaningful too.  I have some ideas... I want to figure that out within the next day or two.  Anyway, here is a picture of them that the lady emailed to me before I got them; I'll have more later:

 

I'll write more later.  I'm kind of tired, and I still have some stuff I need to get done before I can go to sleep.  I hope everyone is doing well!  : )

Last night, my roommate's girlfriend, who doesn't even live here, asked me if I would mind loading up the dishwasher after  they were done with dinner.  I told her that I didn't mind, because I didn't and I was planning on doing dishes in a couple of hours anyway.  It was just a weird request because of the way she said it (her tone), the fact that neither my boyfriend and I are included in this dinner and use of dishes (he was at work, and we do our own dinner thing anyway), and the fact that they didn't have any plans after dinner so they were here and able to do their own dishes.  I wasn't sure what to make of this, or if I should say somethng. 

I have the feeling she and my roommate are complaining and talking stuff behind my back.  My boyfriend and I cleaned the house really well before we left... straighted up, vacumned, took out the trash, did dishes, and all that good stuff.  We haven't really made any sort of mess since we've gotten back because we haven't been here much, and there were only a few of our dishes in there at the moment.  We do most of the cleaning here, so they shouldn't have a problem with that, but her tone definitely says otherwise.  I don't mind doing the dishes, but I don't want some problem or tension to develop because they won't speak up and bring up concerns or issues that they might have.  I don't want a repeat of the last horrible roomate situation.

I think the main reason her attitude changed was because she had just found out that my internship was an "unpaid" one.  It came up in a conversation.  I thought she already knew, but apparantly not... she was like, "oh really."  Her attitude seemed to change after she found that out.  I talked to my boyfriend, and he was pissed about the situation.  We both agreed that we are going to address the issue with them tomorrow, when they get home.  I may just address it myself with my roommate though, since my boyfriend works late, and since it seems to be an issue my roommate has with me.  My boyfriend even admitted that my roommate was trying to bash me, behind my back recently, when he found out about the internship being unpaid.  My boyfriend had to set him straight on that, and remind him that it was his girlfriend  that my rommate was talking about.    

It's just frustrating that some people won't stay out of my business.  I'm doing what's best for my future, at this point, and once I graduate I'll be making plenty of money.  I've worked very hard since I was 16, and this is the first year I've been unemployed since, and I've been really focusing on my education and building my experience.  I have a 3.6 G.P.A., I'm a member of the Tau Sigma National Honor Society, I've made dean's list, I'm a great student, I pay my own way (with the exception of a little help recently from my mom and boyfriend, but I'm repaying them for it), and I'm getting really good experience at my new internship.  This year my grades will improve even more, along with my experience and extracurricular activities.  

Financial aid covers all my costs of living as long as I budget carefully, so I don't need some dead-end job (though I may get a part-time one at some point for extra money).  I like being able to just focus on my education, building my resume, and having time to enjoy myself.  I worked two jobs, one full-time and one part-time, and went to college full-time for over a year and a half.  I also worked 80+ hours a week during the summers that I didn't have classes, including outdoor work.  I came out with a degree, but with a low G.P.A., no extracurricular activities, no career-related experience, and I was extremely burnt out and exhausted both mentally and physically.  My resume has improved dramatically within this last semester alone.  

I don't know.  I just wanted to get that off my mind for now.  My boyfriend said it well, when he said that, "it's none of their damn business anyway, because it doesn't involve them, and that their behavior is just inappropriate and unacceptable."  Anyway, other than that, things are going really well.  I returned to my internship today, and I really enjoyed it.  I've gotten very good at working the phones, and the project I'm working on should be complete by the next day I work.  I think they'll be impressed with it.  Hope everyone is well!  :)  

Wow, I just realized I hadn't posted in a while, so I guess I'll try to bring everything up to date.  I kind of like doing the list thing, so I'll stick with that this time around too:

1.  I got to visit my nephew about a week and a half or two ago, and it was really neat!  He is very cute... I can't wait to get pictures to show him off to everyone!  He made some of the funniest faces... I told them it would be neat if they would get a bunch of pictures and make a collage of them.  He's very calm too, at least, most of the time.  I joke because he seems to be on just about the same weird schedule as me, lol, which means everyone else is exhausted from the weird hours.  I've been trying to figure out a special gift for him and for my brother and his wife.  I'm thinking of making them a  partial scrapbook/ babybook... I'd put in a bunch of pictures, decorations, quotes, and such, but leave room for them to fill-in a lot of the stuff about him and to add more pictures.  

2.  I just got back from my week-long vacation to Orlando, Florida and it was really great!  We went to Sea World, Animal Kingdom, Magic Kingdom, Epcot, and Hollywood Studios.  There was so much... it's hard to focus on just one thing.  I got a lot of awesome pictures though, thanks to my boyfriend... he has a more steady hand, so he was able to take a lot better pictures.  It was really sweet of him!  I'll post pictures later, once I go though them... we literally have several hundred, so it might take a little while to sort them!  I really enjoyed all the shows and sites!  I also had a great time with my boyfriend's family too... I get along with them really well, especially his mom, and I just feel really comfortable around them.  I didn't realize how bad my boyfriend and I really needed a vacation to just relax and de-stress... this past year and a half has been very stressful, and neither of us have really taken a break in over two years.  Which leads me to my next point...

3.  My boyfriend and I are both doing awesome now!  I really, really hope this lasts.  We had a big blowout before the trip, but I don't want to get into that.  I was really close to giving up, but we did manage to get a lot of problems and concerns out and into the open, so that was good.  We ended up really reconnecting on this trip though, and now we both feel closer than ever.  Now, I can really see us being together for life.  He's even really noticed a change and admitted that he doesn't think that he was really opening up before... he keeps telling me how much he really loves me and he's kind of blown away by the close connection we feel (though, not in those words... it's difficult to sum up).  I'm so much happier now!  The changes are just awesome!  We both agreed that we're going to take at least one vacation a year to relax and reconnect, from now on.     

4.  My internship has been going really well too!  I start back tomorrow, and they're going to start me on a project then.  It'll be a challenge for me, because it's different from the writing style that I am used to.  I'll be creating a marketing itinerary for the city, for a youth group, that has to be fun, educational, appealing, and that doesn't sound like I'm trying to sale something.  I'm certain I can do it... it's just a matter of striking the right balance.  I really enjoy the atmosphere and my coworkers... it's very laid-back, but still professional.  I think I'll get really good experience there, and I could see myself staying there for a while.  :) 

We had a gallery opening that last Friday night, before I went on vacation, and I got to run the bar.  I was really nervous at first because I had never really done anything like that before, and I was afraid of spilling something or mispronouncing the drinks, but I did really well.  It was funny too, because I think a lot of the guests thought I was richer than I was or more cultured or something like that, lol.  I had one person tell me I looked very chic and asked me if I had gotten my outfit locally or out of the country (it was from Body Central... definitely local, and pretty cheap) , another one thought I was from Europe, and so on.  I had fun talking to everyone though. 

5.  I'm also supposed to meet with my advisor this week to discuss switiching my major from a Bachelor of Art in English for Professional Writing to the Bachelor of Science in Interdisciplinary Studies for Professional Writing.  It'll give me so much more experience!  I'm excited, and a little nervous because it will be harder!  Classes start in a couple weeks too, so I'm excited and nervous about that as well.  I think I'll really enjoy being back in classes though... it keeps me busy and I really enjoy writing! 

6.  I'm going to start getting into scrapbooking now.  My boyfriend's mom just gave me a lot of scrapbooking stuff, so I'm set with everything except the large books.  She tried getting into it several years ago because a friend of hers was in that business, but she didn't really like it and had the stuff stored away for years.  She was really happy to give the stuff to me.  I'll actually be able to do it now that I have more than enough photos.  I have all the vacation photos, and I'll be getting family photos and photos of my nephew soon too.  I have a lot of ideas for different projects!  

7.  I've started reading a new book, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle: A Novel by Haruki Murakami, that I checked out from the library.  It's written by a Japanese author, and is supposed to be a really good book.  It's also a very big book, but I think I'll enjoy it... I hope so anyway!  


8.  My boyfriend and I also got a couple souvenirs to remember the trip by.  He got a statue of Mickey Mouse shaking the hand of a firefighter, since he really wants to be an EMT Firefighter.  
 

I got a poster of Walt Disney when he was young with a cartoon Mickey Mouse with a quote by Walt Disney... it says HERITAGE "I hope we don't loose sight of one thing - it was all started by a mouse" - Walt Disney.  I found a nice frame from Wal-Mart to frame it up with too, so it looks very good.  I really like the idea behind the quote, though it can be interpreted in different ways.  I like the idea that something so small and seemingly insignificant, as a drawing, can create something so big, like everything that is Disney today.  I also like that fact that Walt Disney was persistant even after several failures, and that he was very creative and innovative...  I think it strikes me as a writer.  

9.  I'm also excited because I found a fairly cheap (less than $30) and neat storage chest at Wal-Mart to put all my project stuff in.  (Excuse the junk around it).  It looks more expensive than it really is, but it's actually light-weight (which is good because it makes it easier to move when it's full), yet it is still very sturdy.


Anyway, I guess that's enough for now.  I'm pretty excited, happy, and content at the moment.  Things seem to be going well, and there really isn't much to complain about... okay, maybe one thing...  

10.  My roommate is still somewhat of a douche, but we get along.  My boyfriend has been setting him straight too, which is great and has been making me feel a lot better.  I haven't heard him talking stuff behind my back lately, so that's good.  (I don't know if I had mentioned, but I had overheard him cracking on me behind my back about not having a job, and he had been "joking," though I really think he was serious, behind my back about trying to hook my boyfriend up with other girls on several occassions.  My boyfriend, of course, turned him down and reminded him that he had me).  

I'm also irritated because he has a great girlfriend right now, but he keeps talking to his ex, who knows he is dating another girl and who is a major flirt, and he is sort of playing the two.  His ex wants to get back with him, though, she'll probably leave him and make him miserable again, which I think he might deserve now.  His girlfriend seems upset, because he's been treating her like shit, and letting her think that him being distant is her fault.  To top it off, he tries to play like he's the victim... I really hate people like that.  I believe a relationship should be open, honest, and trustworthy.  I don't think people should try to keep secrets, hide things, lie, and cheat.  Anyway, I'm just going to stay out of it for now.  My boyfriend seems to be setting him straight.  I don't agree with what he's doing, but he is a pretty good roommate. 

Well, I think that covers most of the major things that are going on right now.  I hope everyone is doing well!  I should be getting on more, now that I have internet access again (I didn't have it on vacation), and since I'll have more going on.  Talk to everyone later!  :)   

So, I'm going to try to make this short because I'm tired.  It's been a crazy past few days, and I don't really know where to begin.  I think I'll just list the major events:

On a positive note:

1.  My brother and his wife just had their baby boy yesterday, so I'm an aunt now!  I'll get to see them this weekend.  :)

2.  I started my internship yesterday and I really see it working out well!  I think I'll get really good experience, and I really like the people I work with because they're very down-to earth and nice. 

3.  I just found a different Bachelor Degree program for my major at my college that my advisor didn't mention to me, and it's a really great fit for what I'm going into.  The courses are more professionally-based rather than just academic: I'll be taking more courses in management, marketing, communications, and public relations as opposed to literature and other english language courses.  What's even better is: I'll get to take more professional writing courses with this one, and I don't have to take the additional foreign language classes.

4.  I'm going to Florida for a week on Saturday with my boyfriend and his family, and it should be a lot of fun.  I've never been there before.

On a more negative note:

5.  My boyfriend passed out and had a seizure yesterday, about twenty minutes after he got a required tb test for his new job... the same thing happened when he had to get his blood taken a week or so ago, but that one was instant.  This time, he was driving and pulled over because he felt nautious, and ended up passing out and seizing.  I'm so glad he pulled over before it happened.  The doctors told him he has vasovagal syncope, which is triggered, for him, by getting blood taken or getting shots.  I'm glad he's okay now though... I was really worried.  He's been out of it all day, but he'll be okay.  He just needs to avoid needles.  I'm just so glad he's okay.

6.  There was a shooting at the bar behind my apartment yesterday around 2 a.m.  I had just started to fall asleep, and I heard a lot of yelling.  It sounded like a fight, but it was really loud, so I peeked out my window.  I couldn't see what was going on... just some of the building, several people, and cars... the fight was further down.  I ended up hearing people tapping horns, car alarms going off, then a gunshot and more yelling.  I woke my boyfriend up to see if he had heard it because I was in disbelief, and then we heard two more shots fired and more yelling.  We called the police, and apparently someone else had too.  So, a bunch of police show up, then an ambulance and a firetruck.  It's kind of "unsettling" for something like that to happen so close to home.  I don't know what happened exactly... whether it was warning shots which is unlikely because of the rescue vehicles, whether someone got major/minor injuries, or whether it was fatal.  I'm sure it'll pop up in the news within a few days.  It's just very weird and unnerving to think that the bullets could have came through my bedroom wall or that whoever shot the gun may still be around here.  Hopefully, they catch the person, and maybe shut down that bar or have something in place to prevent people from hanging out it the parking lot after hours.    

Anyway, this is a little longer than I had anticipated.  I'm not sure if I'm forgeting anything else, but I'll update later.  I'm pretty tired.  I hope everyone is doing well! 

So, I figured I'd start by posting my three positive thoughts for the day since they sum up the good parts of the day:
1.  I had a mocha frappaccino with chocolate and carmel syrup from Starbuck's today, and that is always awesome!  Mmmm....
2.  I colored my hair today, and it looks awesome!!!  I can't wait to get it cut Monday!  It's the most dramatic change I've done, but I think it'll really look great and fit my personality!
3.  I am so happy that I have been feeling like my old self again since I went off the pill.  I'm so much sweeter, calmer, and just all-around more mellow among other things... even my boyfriend has noticed the change and loves it.  :)

I really just can't get over how much I've been feeling like my old self more and more each day!  I really like the change, and I'm a lot happier than before.  I didn't realize that the pill was having that strong of an effect, but I don't intend to let that happen again.  It's so hard to explain: my disposition is similar to what it was four and a half years ago, but I'm more matured, less shy, and just different.  I still have my depression issues, but I had those long before I started the pill.  I am finding it a lot easier to manage though, so I am more hopeful about that.  I'm also finding it easier to apply some of the tools I've learned for coping, stress management, better communication, and so on.  I doubt they'll ever go away completely, but it should be okay as long as I can manage them better so that they don't affect me dramatically.  

I am still nervous about a few things, because I know there are some potential negatives for going off the pill.  I really hope not though (and pregnancy is not one of them because I am cautious... I'm just worried about the things that are out of my control like how it might affect my body).  Overall, I'm very happy.  I've been more goofy, playful, sweet, mellow, calm, understanding, and all that good stuff!  My boyfriend is seeing a side of me that he's never seen before and he loves it!  There are some negatives to it as well... I've noticed I've been getting sicker than normal when I don't eat soon enough, I'm a little more sensitive emotionally, and stuff like that.  I'm also afraid that it might cause me to loose weight, to breakout, to cause menstration problems, and to have other side-effects of PCOS.  I think the positives outweigh the negatives though, and I plan to see a physician to figure something out.

I do think I still need to get checked to see if I'm bipolar, because I really believe I probably have it or, at least, something similar.  I've been meaning to keep a mood journal each day to describe my moods, what happened that day, and stuff like that.  This way, I can go back and check for patterns and such.  I've been writing more lately, not just here, and I've noticed that it does seem like there's more of a pattern.  Lately, I've been feeling more productive, extra-happy, and I haven't been able to sleep much, among other things.  I know, though, that within a week or two or so that I'll be feeling depressed again.  It really fluctuates a lot, and I fit the symptoms for hypomania and depression (Bipolar II) almost perfectly.  I'm just curious, primarily, because I really do believe I have it, and so that I know how to cope with it if I do.  I don't want to go on any sort of medication though, because I haven't heard anything good about them.  

Anyway, I'm going to get off here, before I make this post too long.  I hope everyone is doing well!  I'll probably update again soon since I have a lot going on.  : )